Flying is something I do a lot in this business. At least twice a month I jet set out to a new place to flash my goodies and make people hot and bothered! Sometimes it’s for dancing, sometimes it’s for filming. Either way, it’s not what I do when I get there, it’s HOW I get there. Over the years I have perfected an efficient way of traveling on airplanes starting from the tuck and roll out of the vehicle until I sit in my no-so-comfortable seat.

First, get to the airport early. For US travel you need to check in at least an hour before your flight. There is only a half hour from that time and the time of your departure before the flight itself begins boarding. Checking in online and printing tickets at home can give you a very small window, although I always recommend a minimum of an hour.

Second, pack light. For a seven day trip the necessary amount of clothing is about 5 outfits of a mixable nature. It’s good to only take a carry on if that is possible. Personally, as a woman who travels often I am a huge fan of the carry-on luggage bag paired with the oversize purse. Grrls, be careful traveling with make up because it breaks all too easily. Bring make up for a day look, and evening look. Try to bring only the basics, and be sure to have liquids stowed and displayed properly in a plastic bag while going through security.

In terms of speedy security, wear uncomplicated shoes such as flip flops or others that do not require the lacing of shoes. Also, make sure that the attire you are wearing is “security friendly.” What this means is, wearing a front zipped jacket or sweater instead of a hoodie. When wearing a baggy shirt always have something underneath so a pat down may be avoided. Lastly, FFS (For Fuck Sake) take your stupid lap top out of your bag and place it in a separate bin. Other cool tricks, take your shoes and jacket off while you’re waiting for shit bird in front of you to figure out the exact same laptop situation. Please, kindly, empty pockets and remove any questionable metal.

For all you freaks out there, if you’re flying with sex toys and or lube or small animals, just know that this will prolong your security experience. I’ve dated TSA and they love to pull people a side for “dick in a bag.” Toys and lube set off their sensors for additional checking and they will see a piece of your naughty bits in a sense.

My last tip; if in a rush use moving sidewalks, buses, subways, or any aide possible. I once got a piggy back through the airport that was quite efficient. No matter how much it sucks, sit as close to the front of the plane as possible because this will be the fastest way to get the fuck out of there. Don’t walk to talk to anyone? Keep headphones in entering, during, and exiting the plane. Pretending not to hear people, or pretending to be deaf are my favorite ways of telling people to ‘FUCK OFF’.

Hope these travel tips can help you out!! If all else fails, drink your face off. Not recommended but no good stories have ever started with “so I drank water and…”

By |2016-10-15T07:23:29+00:00May 29th, 2012|Categories: blog|Tags: , , , , , |5 Comments